Why do Girls Smell Nicely?
by Giant Squuidy
Summary: James Potter is on a scientific quest to answer the ageold question, what's with girls and smelling like flowers and such? Much randomness to follow. Oneshot.


**Authors Note--- I probably should be working on my story- The Aftermath of Playing Monopoly. Oh well.**

** Heres a random oneshot. There I was, sitting in Latin class trying to comprehend what the teacher was saying, but who really cares about 3rd conjugation IO verbs anyways? So I plunged into the mind of James Potter, trying to form a story idea. At that moment, Sarah thought it would be best to spray us all with perfume. Brandon was eating a poptart.**

** The whole "you smell nicely" thing is an inside joke with my twin. It's written across my purse actually.**

**Here you go, Merry Christmas.**

**Disclaimer: **Yes. I do own Harry Potter, but not really.

* * *

**Why do Girls Smell- Nicely?**

What is it with girls and smelling nice? It seems like every girl in this school has a specific scent that you cant identify her with. Flowery hues are quite popular among the female population, with fruits mixed in here and there. I swear one girl reminded me strictly of asparagus. I like girls, as so does Sirius- maybe he noticed this theory as well.

"Padfoot, girls smell."

He looked up from the doodling on his Potions homework, a confused look on his face, as if he didn't understand my perfectly clear statement. Sirius could always be slow to catch on.

"…What?"

Sighing dramatically, I ponder how to re-word my simple declaration. Girls smell- how hard is that to understand? Surely he's noticed.

Remus is also staring at me over his reading material, "Is this a positive or negative one, Prongs?"

I'm glad I have at least one intelligent friend. The Marauders would collapse without Moony, the crazy werewolf. He also brings up a good point, as if he totally gets my mind.

I put a thoughtful look on my face, "It depends on the girl."

"…What?" Sirius asks, still trying to comprehend our conversation.

By the fireplace, Peter's watching the exchange with a curious look. I doubt if he's ever been within a three-foot radius of a female, none-the-less been able to smell them.

Some guys just aren't gifted in that field.

Remus decided to take over the explanation, knowing I was never good with that sort of thing, "James is referring to the scents he associates girls with."

The slow-on-the-uptake boy only blinks, "Prongs sniffs girls?"

Now when he says it like that, it almost sounds wrong, and Moony seems to have given up on helping him.

Damn werewolf.

"I know what you mean, Prongs", Peter piped in, sitting up straighter in his chair.

At least someone slightly-normal gets it!

"Guys have smells, too!" he finishes proudly.

Or not… leave it to Peter to turn things around completely.

Sirius gains an even more disgusted look along with his blank one, "Peter sniffs boys?"

I have to admit, that is only a bit creepy…

"I have to admit, that is only a bit creepy…"

So what if I have no originality. I'm just telling it like it is.

"No really!" Peter defends, "I notice things! Remus smells of crisp, new parchment that's just dying to have knowledge written on it's surface!"

Oddly enough, I've never gotten that vibe from being around Remus. But it makes sense- he probably does roll around in parchment every day before everyone gets up. Aha! Another reason for those nasty wounds he obtains. Paper cuts are bloody painful…

"Sirius always smells like those bacon flavored dog treats."

Funny, he seems more like a jerky flavor to me.

"and James", he motions to me, "is a mix between muggle cleaning supplies and fresh linen."

Honestly, those were the last things I'd associate with myself… Sirius must think so too, as he's fallen off his bed with laughter. I see a smile forcing it's way onto Remus' face as well. What could be so offending about smelling like fresh clothes and cleanliness?

"Oh yeah! Well you smell like a pair of Padfoots' boxers!"

Okay, so it is slightly offending, but only slightly.

Remus took the book that Sirius was aiming at me out of his threatening fingers, "Now, now children. Lets behave like civilized adults."

Too bad that the bloody wanker who calls himself the high conquistador got ahold of a very hard pillow that just came into contact with my right temple.

Oh no he didn't. This calls for immediate action.

"Ow you prat! That pillow was sharp!" an undignified Sirius hollers from the other side of the room.

One point for the pronged one!

It only took one well-targeted pillow to cause a full on throwing-of-pillows war.

Peter giggles as he reaches for his own pillows, "Pillow fight!"

…The throwing-of-pillows war has just all as aspects of manliness. If we continued, we would also have to sacrifice our dignity.

"You murdered it, Wormtail." Sirius huffs, dropping his blockade of fluffyness. "Slaughtered it! It's dead and six-feet under now! All thanks to you!"

Now's my chance.

"What the...", he explained on having a pillow thrown at his nose. "Bloody hell, Prongs! Didn't you just hear my rant?"

Well I couldn't end on a losing note, now could I? Padfoot will just have to get over it.

"I won!" I proudly declare.

"No!" he retorts, "You threw that last one after the game ended!"

"Nuhuh!"

"Yes huh!"

"Nope."

"Yes."

"I won."

"You lost."

"No, you lost."

"No, I won."

"But I threw the last pillow."

"Yeah, illegally."

"La la la! I can't hear you!"

"You wanker!"

"Still can't hear you!"

Remus removes his face from his hands, "Stop already! How did we get onto this topic?"

"He said I smelled like Padfoot's dirty undergarments!" Peter whimpered, looking highly upset.

Did he really believe me? He smells nothing like said boxers, but more like mothballs- but I don't know how much better that is.

"Well I'm sorry!" Sirius yells affrontedly, "but we can't all smell like fresh linen and cleaning supplies!"

Couldn't let just let that go already? I smell nothing like those items! I think of myself as manly smelling. Must, mixed with sweat and brooms.

Wait, does that count as a cleaning supply?

"Prongs doesn't smell like Windex to me," Remus chuckles.

"What?" I said.

"What?" Sirius said.

"What?" Peter said.

"…nevermind."

There goes that crazy werewolf, using all these complicated terms around the likes of us. He should know this by now! It's only been six years he's spent in the "marauders" dorm. Psssft. Windex. Honestly.

Me thinks its time for a subject change.

"Anyways." I begin, trying to build suspense, "back to my problem."

Peter perks up slightly, "Of smelling like clothes?"

"No!"

"Of sniffing girls?" Sirius inquires mock-seriously.

"Yes!" I declare before realizing what exactly he said, "Wait.. no!"

Stupid snickering gits. My slip of the tongue was not that funny. It anything, he's the one who probably sniffs the female specimens.

"Continuing on," I glare in Sirius' direction, "I want to figure out why exactly girls smell nice."

"Why?" Remus questions, looking at me strangely.

"Purely scientific reasons!"

Peter quirks an eyebrow, "Why don't you just ask them?"

Amazing. How does he expect me to just waltze up to a girl, record her smell, and ask her why it is she is that specific one. That would be murder!

* * *

"So, Marlene. You're smelling unique. Brown sugar, I presume?" 

Okay, so I'm committing suicide, but Peter had the only logical plan. Sirius wanted me to dress up like a girl and see which scene I prefer, and Remus told me to do a bunch of tests that would require actual effort.

"Um." She stares at me out of the corner of her eyes, "Actually, it's cucumber melon."

"Right…"

Who would put those two things together? No one in their right mind. It's delusional. Seriously.

She nods. I'm getting the vibe she'd rather be somewhere else. But surely that can't be the case, as I'm the one-and-only James Potter- causer of mischief.

"So why do you like to smell nice?" I ask, trying to continue on with my research.

She just glances at the door with an anxious expression, "So I don't smell bad."

Good answer, but as soon as I record her response, she's gone. Either she can disappear on command (because you can't apparate in Hogwarts, I've tried), or she's a rather fast runner. Maybe both.

I scan the room for more subjects to interview. Most of the girls currently sitting in the common room are purposely avoiding me, or just generally frighten me.

Aha! Alice Prewett! She may be avoiding me, but she doesn't frighten me!

Her eyes widen as I approach her, and she drops her Charms book to her feet, "What do you want, Potter?"

Too bad the only approachable girl happens to be my love's best friend, and too bad my love hates me. That's the only downside.

"To know why you smell." I answer promptly.

"NICELY!" Remus yells across the room- the eavesdropping git.

I'm sure she would have figured out by herself. Honestly, Moony always assumes everyone surrounding him is incapable of the thought process. And all because he chooses to hang out with those actually incapable of the thought process.

She reaches down to pick up her dropped textbook with a scornful look, "and?"

Now, how could anyone take offense at my statement?

"And," I deliberate, "I want to know why it's so important for girls to smell nicely."

Now she just seems generally confused, "I showered this morning if that's what you're asking, I believe most girls do."

"No, I-"

"And" her face lights up, "I wear deoderant. It smells like lavender, but I know Lily prefers the unscented type because she says her armpits get all rashy, otherwise."

I swear my jaw dropped at least a foot. This girl is already ranting to me about the future Lily Potter, even if it is about her underarms.

Alice seems to have registered that as well, as she darted away with a quick "whoops".

She still proved to be most helpful, but on thing oogles me. Alice claimed her scent came from her deoderant, but that Lily's was scent-free. Lily is anything buy scent-free. Whenever she's near, her particular odor overwhelms my senses and my brain goes all---.

What was I thinking about again?

"Hullo redhead!" Sirius yells, who I'm somehow seated next too suddenly, though I've no idea how. And since when am I a redhead? I like redheads very much…

"Sod off, Black" an approaching figure announces as it seats itself down on the armrest beside me.

The air that surrounds her registers in my head that Lily is the body to my right. The air seems to be suffocating me.

She pulls her hair across her shoulders, "We have a prefects meeting tomorrow at eight, Remus."

So, my Lily is only here to talk to Moony, eh? I bet they're having a steamy love affair. I'll have to mention it to him at a later date. Friend just don't go snogging each others future wives, it just isn't right. The dirty werewolf.

"Righto", Remus responds with a mock salute.

My angel smiles. She's never smiled at me before, called me an "arrogant prat", but never smiled.

The jealousy inside me is bubbling. Remus better be glad I'm calm by nature.

Gods, am I the only one who feels like the walls are closing in from all sides? It's not very pleasant, mind you.

I manage to choke out a "bye Lily," which is pretty amazing considering my near death state.

"She's gone, Prongs." Sirius says, while staring at me funny.

There's nothing funny about saying good-bye to someone who's already left. I see no humor in my situation at all.

Now that he mentions it though, I'm not dying anymore. And the air is void of apples.

APPLES! Lily smells like apples! What a discovery! Not cheap apples you find in a muggle grocery store either, but fresh, ripe, country apples that grow along the side of a quaint little lane.

And that really gave me quite an odd visual image. James Potter does not walk along cute country lanes sniffing apples.

But at least I can associate my Lily with a specific scent. She now stands apart from every other girl, even when I can't visually see her. Which is totally-

My mind goes blank once again as the hole to the common room opens. The walls continue to enclose me.

"Bugger Sirius, I think I'm dying again."

"That's great, Prongs."

Apples, apples everywhere. Getting closer and closer with each passing second.

This can only mean one thing, Lily's back.

"I think I can see the light Padfoot, the angels are calling me."

"Stop saying words."

The air seems to hover around us.

"Hey guys." Says the sweet angelic voice.

Frank Longbottom is now taking a seat on the armrest beside me. The same armrest that should be occupying Lily at this moment.

Too bad she's not even in the common room.

The walls really need to stop closing in now.

Seriously.

* * *

**James really didnt accomplish anything at all, did he? I guess there's just no reason why girls like to smell nice. I do like apples myself, which is why Lily likes apples. Because I like to pretend I'm Lily.**

I'd love some input on this! So if you could please be nice and review. I mean, it only takes a second, right? 

** Or if you'd rather I could just come out of your closet in the middle of the night with a two-by-four and... well you get it.**

**REVIEW MY LOVES!**


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